Diva Knows Best - Queer, Gay, Bi, Trans, Lesbian Advice Column!

On the Shelf

Sun, 16 Oct 2005 18:45:20 -0800

Q: I have been w/ my gf for 9 mo. We're in love & the sex is great...BUT this is her first time with a girl (we're both 21) and it freaks her out. She wants to go on a break until we graduate college in May because her friends give her shit, should I wait?

That's Bull, and I ain't Lion!

Fri, 07 Oct 2005 18:57:35 -0800

Q: Hi,I'm a Leo (7/31/71) and have recently met a Taurus (4/25/68) that has left me a bit confused. In person she doesn't communicate very much and leaves me feeling like she has no interest in me. Yet, on the phone she is better and we seem to have a good connection. I'm trying to be patient and have asked her if everything is okay. She acts as if she's fine and wonders why I would ask that (I don't want to anger her by pressing the issue). Any advice will be much appreciated! Thanks.

KY Runs Dry

Fri, 07 Oct 2005 18:44:07 -0800

Q: How can I meet women? I tried everything; placing and searching ads in the newspaper and the internet, going to gay bars I've even approached women and have gotten rejected. I'm feeling very sad right now and need advice. I live in Louisville KY.

Basic Instinct

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 23:53:27 -0800

Q:A couple years ago I left an unhappy marrige. During the last couple of months I saw a woman, who I devloped feelings for. I never went past base one because - of that gut feeling - and things did not add up that she was saying. When the eve came to due the deed I was flighty my nerves were bouncing off the walls- Only to find when it came time too have sex basically there was no romance, only on display a dental dam plus long Qtips and some metal sticks by her bed. I thought- I am just a notche and did not stay. Weeks after that we met again and worked out things it looked like everything was going good- expt. she wanted me to leave hubby to be close with her. So I worked up the nerve to try for a new life. When I met with her she told me "Im sorry. I give so much and never get back- I just wanted someone to give everything up for me for once." I was - numb - I forgive but can not forget- I am not attracted to men.. However I am scared to death of woman - Im am scared to have that heart break again -. During my divorce I came out to my parents and siblings and they are fine. My qustion is where should I start I do not want a one night stand, I want my first time to be romantic, and remberable with someone that wants more than just sex.. Please point me in the right direction- and key signs to watch out for . Thank you

Not Bi-ing It

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 23:35:16 -0800

Q:I am a 24 year old married woman (I have been married to my husband for a year and a half). I recently realized I have been ignoring my feelings towards women aside for many years and now don't know what to do about them. I feel as though I can never be complete with a man. I have an emptiness inside that I can no longer handle. I've never been with a woman but know that is what I am missing in my life. I have expressed these feelings to my husband and as expected, he didn't take the news well. I have decided, for his sake, to push these feelings down again and continue to hide from them. I know what I am doing is wrong, I know I am living a lie but how can I leave my husband on a whim? What happens if I leave him, experiment with women and find I was wrong? Could it be that I am a true bisexual who strongly believes in monogamy but will never be satisfied with one partner?

Letting Go of the Gone

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 18:28:21 -0800

Q: I was wondering what to do about this girl that I gave a year and a half of my life too. I met her 1 night at a club and she had a gf at the time but we still danced and it was awesome, it was 1 of those movie moments....you know like time stood still kind of thing. we actually started dating a few months after that, to give a small background she was telling me that her and her gf were no longer together, but they were. they really did break up and we did our thing and then i left for basic training (don't ask, mistake)we were fine during that time but then things changed, she first slept w/ her ex b/c her ex started seeing someone and she wasn't comfortable with losing control of her ex then she slept with her ex's best friend who is a guy, she is currently with this guy,but they don't see each but like every 6 wks. during all this she was still talking to me like nothing was wrong. her ex and i are really good friends now and she called me to inform me about the guy, and apparently she, meaning my ex, was not even going to tell me about the guy she told her (her ex) that when i got home she was just going to act like nothing happened, but her ex thought that was crappy so she told me. to make a long story longer, i get home and we start right back up like nothing happened.....the whole time she is still talking to the guy but doesn't tell me and then she tells me that we are getting too close and that i'm better off without her b/c i deserve better, she is probably right but we can't seem to let each other go....

Mama Said There'd be Gays Like This

Fri, 25 Feb 2005 15:58:25 -0800

Q: My girlfriend and I have been together for five years, we live together, are totally in love and partners in every sense. We are also 'out' to everyone - family, friends and jobs - for two years now and everyone has been accepting and awesome about it (including my girl's family). My family is fine about it -- except for my mom.

She is upset about the fact that I am a lesbian, won't support or recognize my relationship or my girl, and is pretty ridiculously intolerant, in denial and hurtful about it all. We have had more fights about it than I care to think about. It helps that I live 5 states away from her and my family, but, situations are coming up (my girl and I are visiting my friends in my hometown this summer, my sister is getting married next spring, etc.) where I feel like the issue can't just be pushed under the rug.

I talk about my girlfriend and my relationship all the time in my mom and my weekly chats so I am not ignoring the fact that my rlshp does exist. (Her comeback is usually an argument or stone cold silence.) I want to continue staying strong and stick up for my relationship and myself but, at the same time, I love my mom and don't want to hurt her. I feel like I am going to have to make some tough decisions and ultimatums regarding upcoming situations and I don't want to do that. Do you have any advice on how I can get my mom to come around - to at least respect me and my relationship? I am not looking for overwhelming support or acceptance, just common decency! (She is not the "read a pamphlet on how to accept your gay daughter" type of woman, either). Please help!

A Few Good Sperm

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 21:19:21 -0800

Q: Hi there, My partner and I have been together 8 years--our anniversary is this week-- Yeah!!! Celebration time!!! We're ready to start our family, and decided to go the "known donor" route so the child would be able to have some awareness of who their biological father is...

Here's the problem: none of the men we've approached (and don't misunderstand, they've all been pretty together, gay-positive men) have been able to "handle the idea". They say things like "How could I handle having a child, but not really being a father", or "I would feel too responsible to the child". Geez, where are all the totally irresponsible men I dated before I figured out who I really am? They were only too happy to let ME worry about contraception back then.

Why have the rules changed now? Talk about irony. We spend half our fertile lives before we're mature enough to know who we are and what we want trying NOT to get pregnant and the other half trying desperately trying to. Sometimes, life sucks!

Trans-ition

Sun, 20 Feb 2005 19:52:19 -0800

Q: I guess I should start off by saying that I am a transsexual. Even though I was born male and have done "boy" things, I've always felt like a girl on the inside, and dreamed about being a girl on the outside. However, I'm so uncertain about transitioning. I'm so afraid. Will I become an outcast? Will I ever meet someone who would want me for a companion? Its just such a big decision, and a big step. And yet, being 19, everyone I've talked to (both TS and non-TS) tell me that if I'm going to transition, I should do it now before it is "too late". I guess I just need some advice about where to go from here. Everyday I get really depressed. All I can think about is transitioning. Yet I'm afraid that the reality of being a transitioned TS will be worse than what I am now. A person who is in the wrong body.

Little Boy Blues

Sun, 20 Feb 2005 19:50:02 -0800

Q: I've met this guy, and we both have a lot in common, and neither of us have had a relationship with anyone, (we're only teenagers) and I want to know what I should do if I want him, and how to go about it, where to meet, how to find out if he wants me too? Please help!!!

Stand By Your Man

Sun, 20 Feb 2005 19:40:39 -0800

Q: I am a 43-year old gay male who has been in a loving, stable, monogamous relationship with my partner for the past 17 years. In fact, we celebrated our 15th anniversary with a Holy Union, performed at our church (Morning Star MCC).

My problem (I should say "our" problem) stems from some of the other males who try to "cop a feel" and on one occasion, tried to get us to separate. We have tried talking with these people. We have tried public humiliation, and (unfortunately) even a sharp slap across the face (after a rather painful crotch grab).

Some of these people STILL refuse to believe that we are a couple who are in love with each other and will be forever. I guess my question is, how can we make these people stop bothering us?

...something about a loveseat

Sat, 19 Feb 2005 11:55:35 -0800

Q: I met this girl. She lives in texas and we were talked every night on the phone for three months. I had told her two very petty fibs and when she came to visit, the fibs came out. I also told her I loved her. She left after six days. She was supposed to stay for two weeks. Well, after a few days I got an email from her saying that she just wanted to be friends for now and that she wanted me to wait and see what happens after the summer. I am not sure how to handle this. I truly care for her and I believe she cares for me, so what should I do?

Pitch a Tent or Take a Hike?

Sat, 19 Feb 2005 08:39:31 -0800

Q: I've been seeing this girl for a few weeks. I met her on a personals page. Ever since we met things have been going great and everytime I see her she makes me so happy, but b/c of her last g/f she says shes not ready to jump into anything. We have been very physical with each other, and I find myself doing more and more things for her. It's not that she's not appreciative, but I sort of feel that if she can sleep with me, let me do things for her, and even cry on my shoulder why can't she take a risk and try things seriously with me? I'm not seeing anyone else, and I know she's not either, recently she told me to step back a little and stop doing things for her because it makes her feel uncomfortable...I am going to try and do that but I'm falling hard for her and don't know whether I should just give up or hang around hoping she'll work through her stuff and want to be with me. Please help.

Libi-Do or Libi-Don't?

Sat, 19 Feb 2005 08:34:12 -0800

Q: I have been in a relationship for almost 2 years. My partner and I are in a committed relationship. My problem is that our sex drives are completely different. I love her and love being with her but sometimes it seems like she is more interested in having a friend than a lover. I feel used and alone. I run all her errands, cook, clean, do the laundry, take care of her, and work a full-time job. We made a compromise about 6 months ago and agreed that twice a week was fair. I was okay with that. BUT, it's not happening. The last time we had sex, we were one day shy of 6 weeks. I hate it. She says her daily stresses make it impossible to think about sex. She comes up with excuses. I try talking to her about it and she gets angry and defensive. She says she's attracted to me but just can't get interested in sex. Why is this happening?

Slings, Arrows & Booty Calls

Sat, 19 Feb 2005 08:29:02 -0800

Q: My heart was broken, and I can't get over it. I keep hookin up wit lots of chicky's but they are hardly the thing to fill my void, what will help?